Chorice, Corsets and Confetti - Inside a Goan Wedding - in Goa
The original of this piece was published in My Kolkata on 16 February 2024. You can read the published article here
The unedited piece is reproduced here, as written.
Destination Goan Weddings
(A Kolkata Goan visits his desh to attend two family weddings and finds similarities and differences cutting across communities and cultures, religions and rituals.)
The newspaper advertisements scream “Destination Wedding” for Bangkok, Vietnam, and Goa. Most of these are five-star affairs where the richer families book entire hotels and transport everyone across for a few days of happy chaos. Destination wedding for some, a fairy tale wedding for others, a family wedding back home in Goa for the rest of us non-resident Goans. Travel and accommodation is every visitor’s own responsibility unless, like me, you know someone!
Pre-party
A few days before the wedding, Goans have the Roce ceremony - equivalent of the haldi, or gayer halud for the Bengalis.The word roce being similar to ros of Bengali rosogolla fame, the bride-to-be, and often the groom-to-be too, are bathed in coconut milk while prayers and hymns are sung. Each family member in order of hierarchy steps up to pour a little of the roce on the bride or groom. I missed the ceremony for both weddings but I believe it has been replaced by other equally memorable rituals.Pre-wedding bachelorette and bachelor's nights have survived the test of time. Fun games to get friends and family to meet and hang out together, well lubricated with beverages of every hue and potency! The big difference being the Goan folk songs, blessings and short speeches in Konkani. At recent weddings in Kolkata, games like the Shoe Game are usually played at the reception, here we played them at the pre-wedding party, leaving a lot of time for dancing and speeches at the reception.
Wedding Day
Way back in the 70s, this writer was catapulted to instant though short-lived fame when he was selected to deliver jewellery from the groom’s side to the bride while she was getting ready for the big day. Being an eager-beaver, he grabbed the jewellery and arrived at the bride’s house at the appointed hour - only to be told to sit on the balcao as the bride was yet to get past the corset stage! The sweltering heat of a Goan summer does not make for an ideal hang out in a full suit. With weddings becoming more cosmopolitan and urban, I believe this quaint tradition has changed or even vanished. It’s more popular now to have the exchange of garlands, tying of the mangalsutra and gold chains or rings gifted from either side, usually at the reception itself.At the Wedding Mass at church the groom used to wait in anticipation, checking his watch and sweating away while the bride took her own sweet time to arrive. Tradition hinted at “bad luck” if the groom saw the bride the day before the actual wedding. Well bad luck to tradition itself. When we reached the church, well in time, the bride and groom were in the throes of taking posed photographs outside the church. The priest came out to welcome them into the church, give them a little advice and wish them well. The groom then walked in confidently knowing his bride and her retinue would follow! Which both brides did - one on her father’s arm, the other between both parents.
Everyone’s a photographer with their high end mobile phones today. Glimpses of the service jostle for space in between raised phones, raised tripods with videographers blocking the space, and raised hopes of someone getting a decent picture. The Professional Photographers have entire rigs set up in the church and hall, with 5-6 alternative angles, video and even a dude sitting and editing videos on the fly for teaser display towards the end. And they can be really rude to the unpaid photographers!
The church services are still traditional, meaningful and solemn. The choir adds ethereal music to the mix, with organ and violin accompaniment. The priest talks to the couple in the language of a layman. And the churchyard is the meeting place for family and friends, many of whom cannot make the reception but stick around after the service to meet and greet.
The Reception
Susegaad - a word loosely meaning “laid back” but far deeper than that. A lethargy in getting things done. One bride and groom were from Mumbai. If you thought life was slow in Kolkata, you can imagine the effect Goa has on people from Mumbai. Susegaad. The bride was seen power-walking around the reception arena making sure everything was in place. No, they had not “entered” yet. Posed pics were taken to avoid last minute missed chances. Then a second grand entrance happened to be actually welcomed by the guests.Kolkata and Goa follow the normal order of events. The bridal couple enter the reception hall and parade around, with guests showering blessings on them in the form of confetti. They then move over to the cake - Goa has revolving tables for the cake, fortunately static while being cut.
Saldanha Bakery from Kolkata made an impressive appearance at one Goa wedding, though the pre-packed cake slices were handed over in trendy gift bags as the “venue” insists on serving their own crumbly cake only. We all had that cake served with spoons and dessert bowls!
The venue also provides all sorts of attractive photo ops around the main hall. There were at least six selfie or groupfie booths with messages of love, scattered around. There were Jenga blocks on which you could write a message so the couple could relive the messages as they played later. There was a QR code for guests to share their point of view through uploads of their own photos!
The big difference I found was in the Grand March. In Kolkata weddings, this is held towards the end, when everyone forms an arch and the couple go through the arch wishing everyone goodbye as they head out. In Goa the Grand March was held at the beginning, after the first dance. The couple tends to be last to leave along with the family.
The emcees, too, are highly polished and practised. Pretty unlike our Kolkata local uncles or friends of the family who wing it on the fly. These MCs are well scripted, have their carefully rehearsed, ad hoc, one-liners popping up on their phones and deliver them with finesse. They do their homework on the two families, the toastmasters and even the band. And, unlike the local uncle and friend, they are paid heavily. They earn it.
Good old Mendelssohn’s Wedding March with all its saxophone and trumpet harmony has fallen by the wayside and is happily replaced by Gen Z++ music which is meaningful and contemporary and eminently danceable - as displayed by bride and groom grooving into the hall rather than the stately “walk” - step left, pause, step right, pause (kick gown to avoid snagging).
There was a time when the wedding band was signed up based on the number of “pieces” they had - including a saxophone, piano, trumpet, bass and drums. Bands have been replaced by singers and iPads including the famous Facebook Lockdown stars Tammie and Roy and others like Tavi and Rochelle, Chelsea and Ansel who did a double take - in the church choir and at the reception too! The good old blowing instruments, with all their sax appeal, have been put to bed by karaoke technology.
The toast is raised in much the same way all over the country, but in Goa we had both the brides making their presence felt through messages to their families, husbands, friends and invitees. Both brides had their besties as toastmasters - a lot of woman power around. Champagne and sung blessings follow.
Remember the First Dance? It was literally a first for the couple, an awkward set of moves before they were saved by the parents stepping in. Today it is a beautifully choreographed extravaganza which is a joy to behold, in between the smoke machine, the laser lights, bubbles dropping from the ceiling and the recorded music.
Food and Drink
In both weddings, before the bridal couple could enter, mocktails and snacks were served. Snacks are pre-plated, culinary agnostic, heterogenous affairs, one for each person. You could find chorizo paos (pork sausages) jostling for plate space with prawn patties, corn canapes, cheese puffs, beef croquettes and tuna sandwiches - you just have to know what you are picking up. The buffet dinner is a multi-course, multi-cuisine affair which stretches across an entire hall. Something for everyone along with traditional Goan cuisine, neatly labelled with Portuguese or Konkani names that do not give away what’s inside. Either you know or you ask.The bar at Goan weddings is a humongous affair with all sorts of liquids being poured at various points - anything to keep up one’s spirits so you can dance the evening away.
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