Digestive Snacks

 

[An apology to all those who don't share my opinion or my experiences.  To misquote Khushwant Singh, it's written with malice to none at all.  But seriously, India Today, 75 - nay 76 years - later, needs to hear this. A chance encounter with Vedika Singh, an energetic intern, caused me to finally pull this out and write it down.  I must confess I had attempted to get ChatGPT to write this just to see how it would fare. As you can imagine it was all artificial and no intelligence.  But that's the free version.  I understand if you pay a tidy sum it can even select things to write that you never knew existed.  Another time, another story.]

History

A friend of mine turned 60 last year and a great big bash was planned, secretly.  He loves to read - apart from being glued to Netflix, I hear.  So, in a flash of what was then mistaken for brilliance, I decided that I would present him with a One Year Subscription to Reader's Digest (with bonus free gift). His wife had to be contacted so I could get the mailing address correct.  She was thrilled: "He loves to read, this will give him a monthly reminder that he has a friend in you." All short-lived, as you will shortly see.

While completing the online procedure for getting the Gift subscription, RD sneakily suggested I get one for myself - two subscriptions, two addresses, two free gifts! Without a peek at my bank balance, I happily signed off on the dual subscription, got my receipts and waited .. and waited. 

The anticipated day of the 60th bash came and went.  All I could say, as I handed over a hastily made card, was, "You're going to enjoy my gift for a long time.  It's in the mail." And thus began the saga of India Posts, India Today and Reader's Digest.

Pre-History

While waiting for the subscriptions to fructify I was transported back to my youth and the RD of yore. Was it still going to be readable after all those years?  I remember the excitement with which we had waited for the month's issue to arrive at the door.  How siblings of different natures had turned to the sections they wanted to read.  The excitement was back - at least the waiting.  Eventually, when the first issue arrived, dated August 2022 and pictured above, I was torn between nostalgia and concern. I hadn't realised what age had done to me or the magazine. I had gone considerably fatter, and RD correspondingly thinner.  Fortunately, despite its diminutive size, the binding of the past hadn't changed to staples. But it didn't feel like Reader's Digest, the thickest part being the subscription card that bookmarks every issue. The bikriwallah, as he is known in these parts, would be hard pressed to cough up enough to pay for a digestive snack when the magazine finally reaches his part of the food chain.

Current Affairs

Once I had moved past the packaging, I opened the magazine. Stirrings of delight overtook me as I thumbed the flimsy, unfamiliar pages. The original diet, held together by nostalgia, had the old fare including It Pays to Increase your Word Power and Humour in Uniform. Even the advertisements were there - a delightful little device designed to make the older reader search for editorial material. The motivational pieces were still exhorting me to look after my health, mental, physical and social.  The interviews and biographical vignettes were there but the subjects had changed. Society, culture and sage advice were all in place. Sudoku was new.  Though I had to force a smile at Laughter - that medicine having long since lost its appeal or originality - it was still there.

Did I mention the free gift?  A brace of books which expanded to a quartet. Both identical sets of free gifts were faithfully delivered to my address despite there being two different subscription numbers and two different addresses. Not a problem, I handed them over to my friend when I saw him next (long after he had turned sixty).

Future Tense

A month of reading and several weeks of anticipation later the ordeal began.  I could probably write a reasonably sized book using just the emails between RD and me.  I wrote to the mail id that is inappropriately called "rdcares" - ha ha!  They don't. I received a template-driven answer assuring me that they were totally sorry and were sending me a replacement and it was all the fault of India Posts (no relation to India Today, but probably a distant cousin of India Someday). The replacement for the September issue arrived by courier, well after September.  

After this it was letter after letter for each month other than November.  "November" is a poem written by Thomas  Hood, very bleak and very stark  It starts with "No sun, no moon" ... and stops short of "No Reader's Digest".  I had a different experience.  I was delighted to receive November's issue on time and even before the October replacement, which had now become de facto standard.  December and January followed through the "replacement channel" with my email exchanges becoming more unpleasant and RD's responses staying absolutely the same, nonchalant with changes in the names of the signatories. I could imagine a radio-button driven e-mail response selector being used to answer. 

And then, in February delivery just stopped. February, March and April - no sign of RD or rdcares. So, I posted on FB, the great metaverse.  Little did I realise I would get an auto-responder (AR) type message from there!  Despite the fact that I posted all the details in the form of an image, the AR (not AI) asked me to give my details so that it could follow up.  Many others commented on that post but the AR ignored them all. Nothing happened. Emails to RDcares evinced zero response. Eventually there was some message about one issue being sent through Maruti Couriers - never arrived. RD now doesn't care anymore!

Future Continuous

And then the great revival happened.  I got the issue for May 2023 on time, then June 2023.  And even July 2023 - this raised my suspicions. Around that time I started getting WhatsApp messages and SMS from RD saying that my subscription was due for renewal.  Would I like to take advantage of their "special" rate blah blah blah?  The exhortations and frequency continued to get strident and louder (if that's a word that can be used for digital media).  I ignored them. Mainly because I still hadn't received the three issues for February, March or April, via Maruti or even plain old Ambassador. 

And then I did the math.  Ignoring the cost of time and energy wasted on chasing up the truant issues of RD, I had spent INR 999 and received 9 copies of the magazine. The street price is Rs 100 - so I paid 11% more for my nine copies. Or were they counting the extra copy of August 2022 which they sent me inadvertently?

Which is why I shall keep the first issue so heavily fought for, the Independence issue which celebrates how heavily we fought for our country.  And also because of the Flag on the front cover. I am not going to risk being declared anti-national if the issue is relegated to the bin!  

And that, dear reader, is why both copies of the magazine are exhibited above. Past. Perfect. 

[Disclaimer:  While all of this is true, this post is not meant to offend or defame the magazine, when you can get it. It is written in a lighter vein. - Leslie]