Facebook Flowchart with Filters?

A Christmas Carol

There's a line in a Frank Sinatra Christmas song that goes like this "Overeating, merry greetings from relatives you don't know".  A couple of days into the twelve days of Christmas and the truth of that kicked this idle mind into gear.  Not the "overeating", that goes without saying, it's the greetings from relatives you don't know. And friends.  And friends of friends.  And acquaintances. And unknown numbers from WhatsApp Lists or known ones from WhatsApp groups.  I'm not getting into Instagram here. 

You're probably thinking, "Here's Ebenezer Scrooge to spread his Christmas jeer" but I say, "Bah, humbug!"  Old Eb never had social media to contend with. Between Cratchits and Hashtags he would have embraced the Ghost of Christmas Past and thrown away his device. Sorry for the literary references (What the Dickens is he talking about?) but that's really how the idle mind wanders.  

I got to thinking about how I handle various requests for connections on social media.  And that word algorithm pops up, loosely applied to any systematic activity, far from its mathematical roots.  Any time you want to flay social media or Mark Z, just drop the word algorithm into the conversation and you're absolved of any blame.  BTW, it's a little easier to fix blame now that several social media platforms have funneled down to Mark or Bill.

So, I did try a flowchart to analyze my responses to requests for connections.  After a few tries at drawing them out school computer syllabus style, I gave it up, posted it as a cover decoration, and relapsed into painting word pictures.

Time's Up!

It all starts with a "friend request" or similar terms on other social media.  With most requests the date of request is a great decider.  If you're going to procrastinate on something, keep ignoring it till it fades into some point in the past where it doesn't really matter. I'm guilty of doing this often enough with names and connections I don't immediately recognize or cannot place.  Once in a way it backfires.  Like the time someone tried to connect, I didn't.  The person was fairly critical of it once we met (pre-social-distancing days).  It seems it was a crucial connection which I ought to have accepted.  Apologies sound terribly hollow in the face of FB's continuous reminders and insistence!  How could you forget?

Filters for Friends on Facebook

Since then, I am trying to follow an algorithm for accepting friends on Facebook.  Here it is, for what it's worth. Might work for you though I am not sure it's working for me. 

Is the person Family? 

Yes. Doesn't matter who. Even if it's a Second Cousin Once Removed, you can always remove them again if the going gets tough.  Over the years we have connected with family whom we never thought we would ever meet, or even see.  Now we can chat with them on FB Messenger, see the family in person, sneak a peek at the house interiors, pretend not to notice the empty beer bottles or the underwear hung out to dry. With family you don't really need to worry about a background check.

I must issue a warning here about pseudo-family ("Don't you remember your cousin Marcie?") -- it has the same potential for concern as cards from unknown people wishing you a Happy Father's Day!

Not Family?  Bring in the Inquisition!

The background check is crucial, however, for anyone else.  In case the name doesn't ring a bell, warning or otherwise, here is my checks checklist:

• Check the profile picture (DP to the evolved) and cover photo (Cover Photo even to the evolved).  Raise the red flag if there is no picture or if the cover contains political messages, weird photos, and symbols (Prince, when he was AFKAP, wouldn't make the grade). All these go into the Ignore Bin.

• There IS a picture.  Do I know this person? Friend or Acquaintance? Vaguely familiar name?  Check other photos.  Anyone familiar?  Any past history you might like to avoid? In my case, I receive quite a few requests from students of the past and not-so-distant past.  The school kids, all grown up with kids of their own, are pretty unidentifiable. There might be a private message (DM to the evolved) and that might set the context.  

• Next thing I do is check the common friends.  One glance at the list of common friends indicates why this person wants to connect.  They might have liked something you did on someone else's wall (in the local context that statement is not flattering at all), or they might have checked your profile and wish to connect.  I am usually able to place ex-student requests pretty accurately especially when there are 25+ friends in common. The professional connections are more difficult.

• Are they trying to connect professionally?  In such a case shouldn't they be on Linked In instead?  I have an algorithm for Linked In too, for some other blog post. This one focuses on Facebook.

• Check what he/she shares with the world.  If it's a private account, let it lie in its narcissistic non-existence. If the sharing is all about Nana's Recipe for Ginger Wine, let it mature for a few months, till all the bottles are sold. If there are pictures of fluffy poodles or happy cats, forward to the Pet Show. The same goes for Activist material - help this child find her parents, circulating since 1980, no updates since she has changed her name, mobile number and has kids of her own. Or, send this to as many people as you know, someone's life could be saved.  Highly avoidable.  Usually a quick scan of the last 5 posts can sound the Last Post for that acquaintance.

• And finally, do I want this spider crawling around my wall, commenting on posts by me or my friends? This is a very subjective answer, so think carefully. I've fallen into the web on more than one occasion. Suddenly that eager friend starts posting politically incorrect, motivated stuff on their wall, and tagging their 'friends', including you.  Or, you make a perfectly innocuous comment about a failed delivery from Amazon and they are all over your wall informing you what should be done, tagging other important personages, offering opinions on everyone else's opinions -- till you take down the post in fear of being booked under some draconian law or the other.

Accepted and Labelled

This is a painful step but pretty important if you have students and other acquaintances whom you don't want to include in all the family news.  I try to take the extra step of labelling them. Create your own labels, then set up restrictions for those labels.  I haven't done any special research on this, but it probably helps to slot people into groups.  As you can see in the screen shot above, I have Trainers and Xaviers as two groups -- the former is for the large number of fellow trainers whom I have worked with, and with whom I have exchanged FB friend requests.  The latter is for the students and colleagues who have been part of my long years as a teacher.  It takes a lot of time if you're trying to do it retroactively, but when you accept a friend, you could slot them immediately.

Other Media

It would be remiss of me if I were to ignore the other media, but exploring those would take a longer article.  So, let me dispense with them in a line or two. 

• Linked In is very largely for professional development and connections, IMHO.  There's another selection algorithm I have for that.  I will explore that in a subsequent post, depending on the response to this one.  

• Twitter reminds me of a birdcage.  Of trying to distinguish between the sweet birdsong from the myriad avian species flying around and the base of the cage which needs to be cleaned out occasionally.  So, I don't have many followers and I don't follow too many people as I find it pretty difficult to be politically correct.  

• Instagram.  Frankly, I haven't figured out what this is all about, so I post randomly and click Like equally randomly.  Despite the help I get from the post millennials who live at home, I make enough blunders to fill a book.  So, this is not getting written up for sure.

Post Script

I'm sure this is not a definitive study on how to choose friends on Facebook, but if it strikes a chord, do leave a comment in the Blog.  And share any ideas you have for controlling the flood of friends, posts and action on social media.